the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
