woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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