I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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