I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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