peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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