Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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