sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
