I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
