I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
