Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
