do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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