I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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