hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
