Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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