I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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