you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
