all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
