We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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