When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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