oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This baby is an asshole
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
