Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
