Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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