Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
