I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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