WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
