I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
