I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
