If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
