i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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