You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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