Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
