I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
