So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
