ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
