Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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