Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
