i just had sex bonerless
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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