I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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