I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
