oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
