i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
