census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
