He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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