apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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