his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
