If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
