i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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