I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
