Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
