He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
