I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
