I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
